Monday, January 3, 2011

Mechanical Mayhem

Make a robot out of spare things in the house

Ladies and gentlemen and artificial constructs, we bear witness to a wonderful birth. At the beginning of this evening my living room was but a mess, littered with cardboard, pvc pipe, and random novelties.


But now, with nothing more than a roll of duct tape and a pair of scissors, a miracle has occurred. Behold: the triumph of the WhoaBot.




Allow my to highlight a few of its many features.

 - Five independent wheels, allowing for fluid navigation and quick travel time.

- An all purpose cup-holder, for safe containment and easy transportation of liquids.

- Intense aviator glasses, serving as both sunlight regulators and style enhancers.

- A Viking hat and a spoon, providing both the image of furious intimidation and an easy means of soup consumption.

- Nitro brand snappers, for the best of surprising, annoying distractions.

- Wolf eye and attractive woman eye, imbuing the powers of wolf and attractive woman vision.

- A guitar, in case a sweet riff becomes necessary.

-Wings and streamers, for the utmost aerodynamic awesomeability.

- A knife, for stabbing.

The WhoaBot will serve as a faithful addition to our household, valiantly protecting us from wrong doers. Here is a picture of him on our front porch, threatening predators with his cold robot eyes of a wolf and an attractive woman:


Notice that his knife was replaced by a metal claw. This is because one of my housemates claimed they “didn’t want the neighborhood kids to have access to a knife.” Pishaw, WhoaBot relinquishes his weapon to no one.

Next: Run five miles.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

O:DAT – Week of January 2nd through January 8th

Monday – Make a robot out of spare things in the house

Tuesday – Run five miles

Wednesday – Discover an absurd phenomenon

Thursday – Build a marshmallow mask

Friday – Have the best day of work ever

Saturday – ?????

Some quick notes:

I really enjoyed this last week, and I plan to continue doing things into the indefinite future. That said, with a week of experience under my belt, there's some aspects of the adventure I need to tweak.

My goal of playing in the snow for two hours this past Saturday did not come to fruition. The chief reason being that in the last week all of the snow melted and then froze into giant slabs of sharp ice. I was loath to skip doing a thing, but I was also fairly busy with the holiday and with finishing up the posts on my other goals.

In the future I'm going to leave Saturday up in the air until Saturday morning. Reasoning: I usually do a thing with friends on Saturday, and I would hate to miss out on an exciting event because I arbitrarily decided a week in advance that I would be reading the entire dictionary that day. Also, they might be lame easy things like, "Eat a delicious sandwich," but whatever, it's Saturday.

Also, I would like it to be known that, while I may not get around to finishing a post until a day or two after I do the thing, I'm definitely doing a thing on the day that I say that I'm doing a thing. Except for the playing in the snow thing that I never did. But whenever we get snow again I'm going to shoehorn that one into the do a thing schedule too.

And I'm realizing that even though I think that using the word "thing" over and over in my posts is funny, It's probably kind of confusing too.

Mythology of Midnight

Create a mythos for New Years Eve including symbols and traditions

The Story of Old Man Time

Long, long ago, when everything was just beginning, the universe was a very different place. There was space then, and stars, and planets with their mountains and seas, birds and trees. There were even a few people. But there was no time. No seconds, minutes, months, or years. No holidays, vacations, birthdays, or bicentennials. It was an absolute disaster.

The planets could not rotate and so there were no seasons. Some places were always cold, while others were always hot. Night and day were frozen too. Caterpillars stayed caterpillars, tad-poles stayed tad-poles, and small children stayed petulant and annoying forever. Clocks and pocket-watches were utterly useless, as the hands had no seconds or hours to tick away. People would have been constantly early or late for appointments, but even that was difficult because earliness and lateness did not exist. Even the past and future were impossible, which lent an uncomfortable air of immediacy to everything. It was a dire state of being, and it bred serious people, always uptight and focused on urgency and exactness. One such individual was Old Man Time.


Even then he was quite old, a crooked man with withered arms and a wrinkled scowl. Every busy, he spent his days tinkering and puttering away in his workshop. It was in this way that, late one never-ending night, he came across a most miraculous discovery.

While dismantling a stopwatch, Old Man Time stumbled across the smallest sliver on an instant. With a pair of needle-nose pliers he pried it free. After studying it in great detail with a magnifying glass he constructed a rough copy out of materials lying about his workbench. To his great surprise the two instants folded together to create a moment. Old Man Time busied himself creating more instants and, after a bit of work, arranged them into the fundamental building block of all time: the second.

The minute, hour, and even the day arrived not long after. People all over the earth marveled at the ingenuity of Old Man Time’s creation. They were finally able to take the time to relax and refresh. Plans were being made and appointments were being missed. Butterflies were everywhere for a while, and the first teenagers begin to appear, though sullen and sarcastic. Eventually there was an outcry amongst the populace for more ingenuities of time, and they received the week and, after a long wait, the month. Life and progress began in earnest around the earth.

But all was not perfect in the world. A great many creatures that had previously remained frozen began to stir and slink and creep. Gremlins, goblins, bogies, kobolds, monsters, and other mischief-makers began to cause havoc around the world. Worst of all were the Time Imps.


They came in a variety of shapes and sizes, with claws, talons, fangs, tentacles and beady little eyes. While Old Man Time arranged time carefully and orderly, giving each minute the same amount of seconds and each hour the same amount of minutes, Time Imps would steal moments willy-nilly, sticking them back where they didn’t belong. Time might slow down during an already long lecture, or it might move twice as fast in the morning before the bus arrived.

On top of it all, the constant requests for weeks and months were beginning to take their toll on Old Man Time. He could barely make enough seconds to keep up with the demand, let alone manage to offset the destruction the Time Imps were causing. Thus, Old Man Time made up his mind to move his workshop to a more secluded location. After fashioning enough hours to cover his trip, he began to dig a tunnel deep down into the earth. Though it wasn’t long before the Time Imps, missing their stolen seconds, followed him.

As everyone knows, the earth is made up of several layers. If one were to dig down into the earth’s crust now, they would discover the following:


1) The Mantle
2) The Outer Core
3) The Inner Core
4) The Realm of the Time Imps
5) The House of Old Man Time

Old Man Time build his house as far away from everything as he could, at the very center of the earth. Although, even there the Time Imps found him, surrounding his yard and pestering him with a yowling, shrieking racket. But in his basement, wearing earplugs and two sets of earmuffs, Old Man Time finally found the time to work on his final invention. After weeks and months of delicate calibrations he finally perfected what no one else had dared to dream of: The Year.

Twelve full months all packaged together, including four distinct seasons. What’s more, it was designed to be fully recyclable, packaged in the finest of hourglasses. At the end of each full year, Old Man Time needs only to flip it over, and let the seconds begin to fall again.


And so, after a great deal of time and bother, Old Man Time retired to his bed to sleep away the ages, enjoying the results of his effort. Unfortunately, this is where we come in. For all the gifts he has given us, the old man has a tendency to sleep deeply and for too long. And as he is deep down at the center of earth, wearing earplugs and two earmuffs, surrounded my miles of yowling Time Imps, it can be difficult to wake him. This is why each December 31st we stay up late into the night, yelling, banging pots, and twirling noisemakers. If we make enough of a ruckus we can wake him. Then he’ll mutter, climb out of bed, stumble over to his workbench, and turn the hourglass for another year.

And if the worst should happen, If Old Man Time turns over in his bed and we never get another second, remember to kiss a loved one at midnight, as it might be your last chance.

Friday, December 31, 2010

Misery Maze


Draw a wicked hard maze

I attacked this one enthusiastically. Thus the short post.

Front Side:

Back Side:

Transformed Corner:

You can click the pictures for the high-resolution versions. While it’s fully solvable, I’m not sure how well some of the mechanics come across. I’ll try and put up a post in the next few days that would explain it.

Short version: You need the “Grimoire of ZOR” before you can use the Shadow portals. They transport you to the related shadow portals on the other side. When you dead-end near the broken road you need the Star and Moon relics. Once collected they allow you to fold the corner which opens the path to the end.

Next: Create a mythos for New Years Eve including symbols and traditions

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Progress & Procrastination

Clean Everything

Okay, as my housemates pointed out repeatedly, my objective was a little overambitious. I did not, for instance, clean everyone else’s rooms, or the roof, or the creepy garage I don’t have a key for and have never been inside.

I did have a very productive day though, both in cleaning, and in procrastinating on the Internet. Thus I’ll present my experience in two lists.

Top five things coolest things I found while cleaning:

5) Nitro Brand Snappers


I found these in the dark recesses of our unfinished storage room. They’re left over from when I was alone on the Fourth of July and spent the day throwing snappers at neighborhood kids while sitting in a kiddie pool on our front lawn. Now if only I could find the dollar-store aviator glasses I wore.

4) My Original Packing List


This is from my original freak out road trip that brought me to Minneapolis. It reminds me of how I packed extensive first aid and survivalist gear, and then spent the entire trip sleeping in Walmart parking lots.

3) My Prototype for a Board/Card Game


The original idea for this game dates back to my college days. Every once and a while I start working on it again and I’m quickly reminded that games are incredibly hard to design. Plus I am lazy. Maybe it would be good “Do a thing” fodder.

2) This Green Robot


This robot is notable because I got it as a gift but never opened the box because I thought it was the same as an orange robot I already have. But it is actually green! Good story.

1)   My Doodle Shirt


This is a shirt I doodled on for a long time, and then lost, and then found again. I don’t wear it anymore because it makes me self-conscious, but it’s a nice thing to have.

Top five coolest things I found while procrastinating:

5) Muppets with People Eyes


God bless Photoshop.

4) Make Your Own Kaleidocycle


Fun, crafty, kind of hypnotic.

3) Space Jam Website


Still running 15 years later.

2) PyroSand 2


Not really a game. More of an incredible timesink toy. Doesn’t work in Safari though.

1)   Avi Buffalo


Cannot stop listening to this song.


In the future I’ll try to avoid choosing things that are basically household chores. They are not interesting to write about.

Next: Draw a wicked hard maze.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Destination Meditation

Meditate for an hour


What follows is a pictorial representation of my experience:

Start:


Minute One:


Minute Two:


Minutes Three through Ten:


Minute Eleven:


Minute Fourteen:


Minute Nineteen:


That last part repeated over and over again until the end of the hour. But now I feel like this:


...so I guess I won meditation.

Tomorrow: Clean Everything!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Mission Delicious

Eat five types of food I’ve never tried before

This provided an interesting evening, as I am both an adventurous eater and a terrible cook. Thus, I stuck with the narrow category of “new foods I could prepare without accidentally killing myself." This accounts for the absence of shellfish and flambés. The foods are as follows:

Paneer

This one came up after my roommate told me we had to use his Groupon at an Indian restaurant for dinner tonight.  Chili Paneer was on the menu and it sounded like a food I had never eaten. This is a blurry picture of it I took on my hand-me-down cell phone:


Paneer is “…an unaged, acid-set, non-melting farmer cheese or curd cheese made by curdling heated milk with lemon juice or other food acid.” It is also freaking delicious. I mean, it’s basically a classier version of the cheese curds you get at the state fair, but you get to eat them in a nice restaurant instead of on a bale of hay. Also no greasy fingers or ugly babies with face paint glairing at you while you wait in line.

Anchovies

I bought the rest of my foods at a health food co-op I’ve never felt cool enough to go to before. The only anchovies they had came in a fancy glass bottle. The lack of a tin with an old timey peel away lid felt like cheating, but I persevered.



The Internet told me the best way to eat them was on bread or crackers with hot sauce and a splash of lemon juice. This was kind of not bad. A bit of an acquired taste, but between the sweet, spicy, salty, and overpowering fishiness of it, I could see myself maybe trying it again for a bet. I also tried one au naturale. It was unpleasant.

Edamame

For the uninitiated, these are fancy pea pods where you can’t eat the casings. They usually show up next to your appetizers at fancy pasta bars.



They taste pretty much like you would expect large pea pods to taste. As an added bonus, the casings look the same after you eat them so you can offer them to people as a mildly hilarious prank.

Grits

I impressed my roommates by talking in a southern accent for half-an-hour while I prepared these. These also win my award for least appealing looking breakfast food.



The box informed me that grits should be seasoned with “grated cheese, soy sauce, honey, herbs, spices or seasonings of choice”, which seems oddly specific and then vague. I tried soy sauce, honey, and brown sugar. Somehow the blandness of grits overpowered everything.

Artichoke

This was my most ambitious effort. I learned how to use the steamer, and then I steamed it.



The first bite didn’t live up to the hype. It’s a lot of effort just to scrape a bit of plant matter off the bottom of a leaf. But the lemon butter sauce made it awesome. Artichokes are my new awkward dinner party appetizer offering.

Tomorrow: Meditate for an hour.